haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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