I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
