I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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