oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
