Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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