Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
