im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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