Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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