i permit you to call me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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