last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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