You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I understand Curling. That high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
