I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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