He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
