my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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