i can't believe i had my finger in that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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