my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
