I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
