My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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