Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he puts the penis in happiness.
two words: eviction party
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
