She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
