I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
