I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
where am i from again
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
