How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
