i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
