oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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