The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
