4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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