if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
