you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
