The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
