I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
