how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
