So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
