i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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