'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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