$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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