I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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