I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
