Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i think my cat just said my name.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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