I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
