pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
