Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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