Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
