I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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