i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
