Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
