you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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