come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
