It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
