i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
