Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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